Dear ______,

I have a tendency to compose letters, in my head of course, to customers sitting at my table, or people sitting next to me on the train, or people texting me ridiculous things, or people walking dogs on the streeet…

Such as…

Dear Customer,

Thank you for leaving me a penny with the heads up on the table. Leaving me a Good Luck penny does NOT however, make up for your shitty tip. But thanks for the luck, I’ll take it.

Best,

B

Dear Man on the Street,

If you decided you have enough time and energy to have a dog, then accept that you officially have enough time and energy to pick up it’s shit on the side of the road. Also, your dog is beautiful.

Best,

B

Dear Aussies Who Tipped,

I love listening to you talk. Mostly because it’s one accent I just can’t accurately replicate – even drunk. Thank you for tipping over 20% and restoring my faith in foreigners’ ability to tip.

Thank you!

B

Dear Regular Whose Name You Think I Always Forget,

I know. I’m so sorry. It’s not that I forget it, it’s that I am not entirely sure how to pronounce it. I haven’t heard anyone say your name yet to double check that I’m pronouncing it right/wrong, so until then you’re going to just be, “Hi! Great to see you! How are you?” and then you’ll call me Bell…because you always remember, because you’re a better person. Or I have a better name. You know, either or.

Best,

B

Dear Co-Worker at Internship,

In regards to your question, “What do you do here?” well…

Good question.

Best,

B

 

Dear Obnoxiously Loud People on the Train,

It’s 4 in the afternoon. I’m on my way to job number two and your high pitched cursing about who slept with who is of absolutely no interest to my eardrums. Please, please speak in a lower octave.

Best,

B

Dear Life,

Stop kicking my ass. Please.

Best,

B

One thought on “Dear ______,

  1. Dear B,

    Please continue to write. Especially things like this. I enjoy it.

    Ps- Keep your head up, and keep being awesome.

    Sincerely,
    -Ben

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