Midnight Monday Memories

I first started applying for sublets before I’d been offereda job in NYC but after my friend told me her spare room had been filled.
I met with a pothead whose apartment in the UES (Upper East Side), was wicked adorable. I think it was the faux fireplace that got me. It looked like a Christmas decoration I’d made when I was a kid.

It was August.

I’m pretty sure I gushed when I saw it. Yes, gushed. Like a teenage girl hearing a boy tell her she’s pretty, or seeing the perfect prom dress. Or like me, now, when I drink a fabulous glass of red wine (Oh syrah, syrah).

His eyes gave me the impression that he wouldnt remember our visit.

He never called.

Womp.

So it was back to the drawing board. I joined three websites and sent several Craigslist responses, daily. All I needed was a room, maybe not even forever, maybe just until my friend’s room opened up.

Not Brooklyn, I couldn’t do all that navigating on my first time out. Too scary.

No gay couples.

Just.

No.

Too much potential for awkward situations. Since we are on that topic, no couples. Same reason.

Ok, so…boys, girls or both?

The only girls I’ve ever lived with and gotten along with are my college roommates. Seriously. Ask my sisters and my mom. Our track record ain’t so good. I’m bossy and whiny when people do less than I expect of them.

Oh and it’s totally fair of me to expect a lot if them. Mhm. Blame it on my mother.

Moving on.

So, ok, careful with girls. There’s also that ugly tendency I have if wanting things I can’t have.

So, ok. Caution.

Boys. Well. Boys will be messy. Most boys anyways. Yes I’m being judgmental about an entire gender, so sue me. I’ll have to do most of the cleaning. Ok all of it. But if they are my kind of boys that drink beer and watch sports…well that’d be fine. What if they’re attractive and I like them though? That’s awkward…avoid that potential.

Ok. So. Still not sure what to do here.

My emails sometimes carefully adhered to questions. If questions were asked. Otherwise it wad pretty generic with a large helping of “me”.

Part of my spiel included a “I don’t do drugs…blah…but I drink when the opportunity arises…blah….don’t watch much tv but I HULU plenty….blah blahhh”.

So I get an email back from one person saying, “Thanks for your interest but we’d really prefer someone who didn’t do drugs at all. Good luck in your search.”

Ummmm….come again?

I read the letter over and over.

Did I leave out the word “don’t”?

Nope. It’s right there.

Did I spell something wrong?

Negative. All looks right, even my name.

Finally I just emailed her back.

“I’m confused, I don’t do drugs? What gave you the impression that I do?”

Her response, “Well, what’s HULU?”

I just sat there. This person was supposedly in her mid-twenties. C’mon, really?

I responded, all the while thinking, Christ if she thinks HULU is a drug, this clearly isn’t going to work out.

“HULU is a website that allows you to watch your tv shows the day after they air. It kinda makes up for not having cable, should you choose that. You should really check it out. Have a great day.”

As I clicked the send button the AOL sign off was ringing in my head….”Good-bye.”

Hulu. Pass it over duuuude.

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