Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
I’m scared to say I ‘couldn’t live without someone or something’ because I simultaneously live with the reality that at some point I may be forced to go on without someone that I can’t imagine living without. The idea keeps me in a little cowtown in Massachusetts. It keeps me in the same bedroom I’ve been in since I was a little girl.
I’ve loved someone so much that the idea of losing them knocks the wind right out of you. Yet all the while, in my head, I said, “You can always go on, there is nothing that will knock you down so hard you can’t get up.”
I believe that. I don’t believe there is someone or something that I can’t live without. There are a million things that I don’t want to imagine life without. My mother, my brother, my sisters – no matter how much we fight. My best friend, my pseudo-boyfriend, my God-daughter. Oh, and those Kate Spade shoes that are like walking on clouds.
I must think harder. Chocolate? My cell phone? My computer? My car? My sight? My voice? My hearing?
Take everything, but don’t take my pen and paper. A wise friend once said, “The times in my life where I’ve been the happiest, have been the times where I was writing.”
I think I can survive it all, as long as I can write. Letting the words flow through my finger tips and onto a page lightens the load on my shoulders, my heart, my head. Suddenly, I float.